You do not know how we Moose have suffered like steerage class passengers on a first class ship. I became aware of this awful injustice a year ago and have been working very diligently - except for needed R&R like a few brief trips, massages, Game of Thrones, a few video games, the NCAA basketball season and dinners and lunches, and snacks. And a brief appearance on The Voice. Perfect example of blatant unfairness that Moose calls are NOT considered music. I thought Blake was a country guy. Otherwise, antlers to the grinding wheel. What was my subject? Oh, yeah, Moose Rights.
Our Eight Principle Demands:
Full Antler Access. Cars need more headroom and doors need to be “T” shaped are just a two of the critical adjustments that are necessary for full Moose participation.
The image of the Moose has been used for years and we have had zero compensation. This must stop. We are demanding full value of Mooseness. We want a huge price maybe even 39 dollars.
The restoration of the United States’ most glorious political party, the Bull Moose Party. Then we too can yell at other people regardless of the facts and maybe vote. See item #1 RE voting booth!
Free maple lattes.
The outlawing of all cruel and misguided hunting seasons for Moose. Or if hunting is permitted, we want to arm all Moose for self defense. Removal of all “trophy” Moose from walls and fireplaces replaced of course, with Official Moose Images™.
Appropriate statues of deserving Moose who helped make America. Bullwinkle J. Moose, Thidwick, Midget, Balsam & the much maligned Thunderclap Moose are just of few of the thousands of deserving Moose. Small plastic replicas will be available in the Moose Rights Gift Emporium online.
Ending of demeaning names. Or compensation for the use of Moose or its variants like mousse (we see what you did) in fine dinning establishments, gift shops, exotic cars, lodges and all other commercial usage.
Marsh establishment in all municipal, county, state and national parks and all spas and resorts for bathing, marsh delicacies and lodging thus making travel much easier for millions of Moose. We recommend 20% be planted in delicious lilies.
These are, of course, initial demands that are completely reasonable and should have zero difficulty passing once we organize our March on Mount Vernon - we have learned a march on poor Mr. Washington is the best publicity. I have two commencement speeches (one of my most outstanding skills) to give this weekend so have a nice Memorial Day weekend
Breaking in my new sleeping bag for this trip. I estimate it will take three days to get there.